Hi everyone! It’s been a while since I last posted something here I guess. Anyway, let’s talk about love~ This might be the first time me talking about love.. First, I am too lazy and tired to draw something for this post, so I decided to make a heart vector instead. This subject actually bugs me right now. At my part time job a while ago, I was talking with my co-worker about boyfriends and stuffs. I told her I already had 2 boyfriends in my entire life, [I'm loyal and totally not a flirt and I am picky as well] and then she asked me if I want to have a boyfriend right now? It made me think for a while and I remember my mom freaking out 2 weeks ago.. Here’s the reason.

Two weeks ago, I saw this really cute guy at work [it's the first time I saw a really really cute guy who looks like a prince.!! >.< squee.! He is asian, but I don't know which specifically.], he doesn’t work there by the way, and I don’t usually notice guys. If I am checking out or looking at one guy or more, it means I am studying his body movements and his clothes as a reference with my drawing. Anyway, so when I went back home, I told my mom I saw a really cute guy, first time I saw one after I broke up with my ex, 2 years ago. My mom’s reaction was really weird because she told me “OMG, really?? I’m glad to hear that because it’s been a long time since I heard you having a crush. I thought you were not normal already.” I laughed so hard after my mom said this, I guess it’s weird having no crush or anything, but well, maybe I was still hoping to get back with my ex boyfriend last year, errm… but he changed so bad! He is a different person now. Put that aside, I actually noticed the cute guy because I saw him looking at me. You now that feeling right, if someone is looking at you, you can feel it. I doupt that he likes me though.

Usually if I have a crush, my crush doesn’t really like me like me. Some falls for me, when I am already interested with another guy. Err.. weird eh? My first boyfriend was a high school classmate and a great friend, but we broke up after 1 1/2 years. It wasn’t a good break up though, and my family and mom hates him a lot. My second boyfriend was a college classmate. When I first met him, I really hate him.. He was too snobbish and way too conceited, and I want to kick his face. Whenever I realize that he is looking at me, he will give me this annoying glare. I actually confronted him and told him he annoys me.

“There is a line thread between love and hate.”

Anyway, when we texted each other for the first time, I realize that he was pretty nice and cute. Actually I wasn’t suppose to take the second semester of my first year in college because my mom and I are migrating to another country. But it was pospone for a while, and my mom enrolled me again. Then we became classmates, but almost everyone in my class knows that I am leaving, but he still courted me and he even asked my parent’s approval first before he really asked me to be his. My mom and family likes him a lot for what he did. I love old fashion guys that’s why I have fallen for him for such a short period of time. But now he changed really, attitude and everything. Since then, I never liked someone again, and decided to go for my dream instead. But my mom is asking me to have a boyfriend already. It’s really weird.

My father’s father [my grandpa] died last night. He was sick since last year and has been on and off in the hospital since years ago. My grandpa is now resting from all the pain and suffering that he had felt over the years. My father died last year, 8th of March 2009. It was really a hard time for me and for my grandparents as well. I think because of the lost that my grandpa became more weaker than ever. I really feel bad for the lost and that my father’s death anniversary is coming soon. I do not want to remember what had happened last year, but I know that my grandpa is now with my father. However, I really feel so bad for my grandma, she has been in a wheelchair for more than five years, and she cannot speak as well. She had lost a dear son last year and now it is her husband. I really love my family, and I don’t want to see any of them suffering. Also, my grandma’s birthday is today, it is so hard to celebrate when your beloved husband died just one day before your birthday. I have been getting myself busy with my computer and websites because I know that my father’s death aniversary is near. I guess, that is my way of comforting myself because whenever I remember what had happened last year, the wound inside my heart starts to be in pain, and tears will start to burst from my eyes. My father died at the age of 42, my parents are divorced since I was 10. I am the only child, and when your parents are divorced it will always feel like something is incomplete with your life, but my father loves me and he wants my life to be perfect just like my mom, that’s why I want to achieve my goal in life, so that I can make my parents and family proud. When he was alive, my papa always tells me to brush my teeth everyday because you know, my father’s teeth were perfect and really white. Before, whenever I talked to my grandpa, he always tells me to pray.

I would like to share a background story about my grandpa and how he manage to be the protector of the “Melo” family. My grandpa married and had 6 sons. My father is the second oldest son. To be able to give his family a better life; my grandpa went to another country to work for years. He saved all his salary, and when he went back to our hometown, he bought a house. I think, this is what I admire about my grandpa. He was loyal to his wife until death, and he had protected and loved his family. I am actually the oldest grandchild of my grandparents, and most of my childhood was spent with their care. In the case of my dear papa, what I remember most about him was his dancing and singing. He usually wears shorts at home showing off his big tummy. He feeds me with rice poured with coffee and fried egg in the morning. My father lived his life to the fullest, and I know that he had managed to fulfill his dream.

Right now, I do not know how to comfort my dear uncles from their loss. I know how it feels to lose a father, and I would really want to comfort them, but I still don’t know what to say. I pray for my grandpa’s soul and ofcourse my papa, and my grandpa [my mama's father] too. They are my family, and I wouldn’t be here right now without them. Please pray for their souls.

I, Kibumie, loves to draw the male anatomy. From head to toe, young to old, it has always been my interest in art. It’s not that I love men that’s just weird, but I am challenge by it. Especially if I draw huge muscular men, it’s like I keep on thinking where the muscles should be and how I can make everything proportional. I actually like to draw little boys wearing old Victorian clothes. If you check my artworks, most of it are men or a child. In all the men that exist in this world, Johnny Depp’s face for me is just perfect! It’s not that I have a crush on him or anything because Jensen Ackles from Supernatural is my crushie. It’s just that for me his face is symmetrical, the depth of his eyes, his mouth, and the shape of his face, he’s very fun to draw. What I like about Johnny Depp is that you can see a different character in every picture that he has. It’s like even if its just a picture and he is not moving, you can tell the personality that he is portraying is different from his real self. It would be really helpful if I can take pictures of men outside, but I don’t have a camera, and I don’t want to try and ask a random guy and say “Hey, you have a nice shoulders, would you like to pose for me so I can draw you??” That would just make me a weirdo, so whenever I am outside, I actually look at men not because of their looks but their movements, positions, clothes, and the shape of their torso. It’s like I am studying for free. I don’t like having my friends as my model because I feel like it would be boring. I like different faces, torsos, eyes, waist, and race. I actually bought one of those male exercise magazines because usually their models are muscled men. It is really helpful. I would like to buy a huge poster of the muscular system, but I have no place to put it yet.

Probably you are asking right now if I have a boyfriend to have as a model, I am actually single. It’s been a long time since I was in a relationship. I have been centralizing with my goals and hobbies right now. Some of the people I know usually tells me that I must have been putting a wall around me, well I guess it is true. Nowadays I have been meeting some cute guys, but I have no interest yet. Maybe that’s what happened when you are 20 years old and when you really want to achieve your goal. :3